This is my abortion story, yours may be different.
It felt like the right thing to do at the time. I was pregnant, alone, apprehensive and, yes, scared. I could barely manage my own life, what was I going to do with a child? “It’s not a child yet.” “You can choose to move on with your life and plans.” “It’s the solution to your problem.” “It’s safe.” Such was the advice I received and believed. This is my abortion story.
At first I felt immense relief.
No one had to know and I could pursue my dreams. But the next time I saw the father of the baby, my stomach tied up in knots. My eyes filled with tears and I wanted him to comfort me; but my throat tightened, choking off the words. I said nothing that day… and for years afterwards. Relief became regret; regret became shame; shame became guilt and guilt became depression.
If you have had an abortion experience, you are probably in a rollercoaster of emotions right now.
Some days are good and you think you’re doing fine. But some days are dark and you just want it to stop. Slowly your behavior changes, relationships become superficial as you hold on to this secret. You focus on the symptoms; the damaging behaviors, emotions, depression. But like a weed, you can’t get rid of it unless you get to the root… guilt after abortion.
Seeking counseling is a great start.
But a counselor friend of mine once said that most counselors are not trained to look for an abortion history as the root cause of the issues they see in their clients. I never sought counseling, but I had a number of wonderful women who spoke into my life. They didn’t know my secret, but slowly I came to realize, through their encouragement, that I needed to take care of the root problem.
I contacted my local pregnancy center.
They offered a post-abortion healing class. During the 10-week study I was able to share about my experience without being judged. This is where I dealt with my anger, guilt, shame and depression, accepting the responsibility of my actions and finding hope in the future. I am a Christian and in this study* I was reminded of God’s love for me and of His grace, mercy and forgiveness. I found healing.
*We offer biblical and non-bibilical studies.
I volunteered at the Community Pregnancy Center of Anchorage encouraging other women with past abortions to find hope and healing for several years and just recently retired. CPC is available to meet with you in person or by phone or video chat. These meetings are completely confidential and of course judgment free and no-cost. We’ve been there, we know how you feel. The phone number for post-abortion help is 907-313-9009 or visit cpcanchorage.com/pace.
Please, share your secret: A secret brought out of the dark and into the light has no power over you. Share with a friend, a family member, or give us a call.
Visit StandUpGirl.com if you don’t live in Alaska and they will help you find no-cost services in your area.